Listening to our Bodies, Speaking our Truth

It's been a difficult time for many people this past month. From the catapulting of sexual assault to the national news headlines with the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings to the recent (seemingly ongoing) shootings in grocery stores, synagogues and beyond, there is a palpable response both collectively and for many people individually, in their own bodies. For a week or two during and after the Kavanaugh and Dr. Ford hearings I felt agitated, emotionally tender, and highly sensitive to comments and actions of others. It was hard for me to feel grounded in my body or stick to a task or a thought for an extended period of time. I would often find myself not breathing deeply and feeling on the verge of crying.

Then it hit me. Having twice been nearly sexually assaulted myself, I was reliving the trauma from those events somatically. I was feeling the pain of others in my own body and psyche and reconnecting with my own pain.

The moment I could see that and name that was pivotal. I was able to take some steps towards self-care, tell my husband that I was feeling tender and enroll his support, and better reach out to others I knew had experienced something similar. It shifted things greatly for me when I could name and be present for my own pain. It helped me continue down my own path of healing and be in community with others who are feeling pain.

In a world where so many people are in some sort of pain and where the realities of that pain are shared virally from thousands of miles away it is critically important that we be in community and support each other. None of us can do this alone. We all need support in being in touch with the truth of our experiences and our pain and encouraged to share our voice and heal.

I was particularly moved by the recent actions of one of my colleagues. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, she was feeling very connected to the trauma in her body from her early life experiences of sexual abuse. This person has done a lot of healing work over the years and was in touch with her current experiences enough to know she was having somatic (body based) symptoms of reliving the trauma. She too had a great deal of anxiety and agitation the week Dr. Ford was giving her testimony.

And then she did something empowering.

She called the sexual assault hotline in the county where she lived in her childhood during the years the abuse took place and she reported it. She took the bold step of speaking up and reporting the incident(s), even though it was decades later. She followed the inspiration she felt from people around the country who were speaking out and speaking up. She used her voice and spoke her truth. And then she felt empowered (her words). I was moved to tears when she shared this experience with me.

She is now exploring new avenues and options for speaking her truth, including telling her parents, all these years later, what happened. She is expanding her mind and psyche to a broader range of healing paths, even to the possibility of coming out of the shame and hiding of not being fully herself within her own family unit. She is opening to healing, more and more.

While everyone’s journey is different, this is one way it can look. This is one version of how healing from the trauma of sexual abuse, or pain of any kind, can unfold. Taking the steps to name what happened, be with the pain of that experience, and then taking grounded and centered steps towards wholeness are critical parts of the process. As is having loving support of community and trusted friends throughout. We are all in this together.