2020 and Roadtrip Lemonade

2020 was such a year and everyone had their own unique reaction to and experience with the events that unfolded, and to some extent continue to unfold. I won’t pretend to have all the answers to navigating the rapidly shifting landscape of the world as it is; however, I do know that there are tools that can assist us in truly finding some sense of peace and grace with things as they are.

For me it was in some ways a year of going inward, of practicing connecting more deeply to my inner Self and my own truth of what was right for me. Some of this was forced by circumstances (limitations on connecting in person) and the rest was an intentional choice of what I was going to do with the situation at hand; how was I going to show up for life as dramatically as it had shifted. What I have come to understand is that when I am NOT aligned with my truth/inner Self, my physical body suffers, which for me manifests as pain and/or anxiety. The body gives me the signals and the reminders I need to check in with myself. (more on that further down)

There were some big shifts in my life this past year. My yoga teaching and all individual client sessions quickly shifted to all online. Thanks to amazing work of the staff and students and flexibility of those of you coming for one-on-one sessions this all happened rather seamlessly and we learned a new way to connect that did not involve being in person. While I will say it doesn’t feel quite as exquisite to connect over Zoom, I have come to find it very meaningful to share time with people online. The practice of waiting for someone to fully finish a thought before replying (b/c two people can’t be heard at one time anyway!); the growing ability to see one’s facial expressions more clearly as the face is often the primary focus in the online platform; and also, the idea of digging deeper into a felt sense of connection through signals in the body and a deeper somatic experience. These things and more all helped me to find meaningful ways to connect with people when being in person wasn’t an option. (this and lots of walks outside to keep some sense of sanity! :)

In addition to all of that, my husband was laid of from his job after 27 years and as the lease on our townhome was quickly coming to an end, we had some decisions to make. To make a long story short, last October we bought a 1997 Eurovan and left Seattle to travel the country for an indefinite period of time. In my words, “we took layoff lemons and made #roadtriplemonade”. I never really imagined myself living in a van; however, we have both taken quite well to this new lifestyle (along with having some rather comedic adjustments to all the details we’ve learned to manage on a daily basis). While I did decide to let go of teaching yoga classes at the end of December, I still see clients online from the road. The work we do together in these sessions not only fills my heart with meaning, love, and connection, but it also provides a positive tether to the bigger world and helps me stay grounded to the healing I know is possible for each of us and the world.

As a way to make this #roadtriplemonade a meaningful experience I chose a word and a focus that would help me continue to grow spiritually; the word is STILLNESS, which thus far continues to be somewhat elusive!

Turns out stillness is not easy for me and often leads to boredom, which at least one of my teachers has said is a good place to get to – because then it is what do I do with boredom… and how do I relate to that feeling or all the feelings being bored brings up in me. Just like with anything else I coach my clients on, it’s about how we relate to something that has the most power to shift our experience(s). And so that is what I’m tapping into now, after three months on the road, after I’ve come to understand the nuances of the van and of van life and every day isn’t such a challenge… now what? How do I relate to what is arising be it boredom, loneliness, grief over leaving my Seattle home after 17 years, a sense of disconnection with friends, and so much more? And if I really want to deepen my spiritual practices, how do I relate to the feelings such as a sense of adventure, the joy of seeing new places and having fun experiences, the deeper sense of connection I’m cultivating with my husband - all of the so called ‘positive’ feelings? In the practice of equanimity these feelings also merit my full awareness and serve as an opportunity to cultivate presence, in stillness if possible.

All this to say – there are ways to take whatever is going on around us (a pandemic, job loss, geographic shifts, loss of any kind etc.) and use it as a way to deepen our spiritual practice. For me, this year is becoming not only one of trying to cultivate stillness (ironically while on a road trip) but also to use that sense to center myself more fully in my truth and trust my own inner voice. (For example, what was MY truth in 2020? Likely quite different from yours.) In fact, my psychic mastery teacher is dedicating this entire year to teaching about trusting our own inner voice. It’s not easy and honestly with the plethora of different platforms and teachers in the world these days, there are so many messages out there now that it can be hard to discern what feels true.

Which leads me to some questions and practices I’d offer to you. How do you check in with your inner voice? How do you decide what’s true for you? What was YOUR truth of the experience of 2020? Were there any hidden gems or big, beautiful life lessons you gained? I know it can feel scary to admit that something went well or was good in the midst of so much collective grief and loss; however, it is supremely important to honor the breadth of our own truth and experiences as a way to truly connect with the full expansive of being human.

If you’ve never tried to tap into your truth or asked yourself these questions specifically it can feel daunting to know where to start. It can feel foreign, confusing, and downright scary to try to go inward and connect with your inner Self. However, if you’re not connected to your inner Self your body will give you signals that something isn’t right, so it is supremely important to cultivate this connection.

For some people, a simple knowing may feel sufficient; however, we need to be careful that our ‘knowing’ isn’t simply a firmly held belief or judgment that actually isn’t true. If we can really examine what we think we know – through journaling, talking with a friend, or simply sitting with the thought/belief for a while in quiet, sometimes we can get to the underlayers that tell a different story.

I always suggest starting by taking a pause, simply give yourself a minute or two to stop what you’re doing. The pause provides us not only with greater perspective, but also allows energy that may be more reactive to dissipate a bit. Then you can start to focus on the breath, taking several rounds of slow deep breaths. Each time visualize bringing in information or a question as you inhale and then exhaling an opening to understanding your truth. Inhale – bring in information; exhale – allow your body so slowly settle into your truth. Don’t rush this – it may take a while and perhaps even several sessions trying this practice. As you get more familiar with your body’s own language, you’ll start to understand what it’s saying to you more easily and quickly. And be kind and gentle with yourself on these practices – we’re fed so much information that it can truly be hard to know what is actually true for us and we come to mistrust our own signals.

There are many other practices that we can do to move closer to deep radical connection with our inner voice, our truth, and our connection to what some call our soul voice. I do this regularly with my clients to tremendous beneficial and healing impact. If you are struggling to find your inner voice, which often manifests as anxiety and even chronic pain, please reach out. I’d love to support you and I always offer a free 20-minute consult to see if it feels like a good fit.